Nancy

You've asked for a partner in crime

And she would've been your ride or die 

Cause you picked her up from the streets 

Of internet dating and you raised her 

As you would your own: 

Obedient, conflicted and careless.

People your age dare not get involved 

"They ask for too much from me,

You seem to just enjoy my company"

Those words weren't compliments

But what do 15 year olds know?

She was obedient, conflicted and careless.

She moved into your modest castle

And slowly learned it was a golden cage.

She couldn't think, breathe or exist 

Without bothering your demons 

So she reduced herself to nothing 

As she was obedient, conflicted and careless.

She stayed for a decade on your side,

Endured the process of your casting 

Yet somehow you got blindsided when you

Reaped the fruit of your own darkness.

She left you with nothing as nothingness you wanted,

Cause she was obedient, conflicted and careless.

Unstable weather

Sitting by the balcony door,

Having a cigarette while 

It's pissing down outside and

I'm trying to blow the smoke out.

A lightning makes me aware 

Of my septum piercing

And I'm calculating my chances 

Of getting an electrical lobotomy.

Tis the season

It's hard to let yourself feel loved

When you can't get out of bed,

Brush your teeth or wash your sheets,

Change your clothes... cause nothing fits 

Anymore. And then you remember

It's the seasonal and monthly curse.

Cause every month feels like September,

And every day's a Monday. No purpose,

Nothing is strong enough to get you going,

You're always sad, your eyes stopped glowing.

 

I would let you

Wrap your tentacles 

Around my soul 

In a tight embrace.

And as you squeeze it

You'd fill up the holes of

Surface craters dripping

Sweet and sour waters.

You're digging for the core

Of my surrendered being 

From opposite directions,

You seem to have that reach.

And I would allow you

To rip me up in pieces 

Just so I could watch you

Devour my remains.

Cotton head

My head is numb

And my chest is on fire,

Well I just can't help

Feeling like I'm dying;

Just like the leaves are

Rusting and drying

Falling off their branches

Laying all together on the ground

Onto a beautiful carpet of sad colours.

Waiting for a step so they can make a sound:

The noise of their bodies being crushed.

We do not talk to the dead

Darkness begins to set over September 

And moody flowers are in bloom.

Nights are colder and we remember 

That spooky season is almost upon us as

Skeletons are trembling in the closets

And ghosts are emerging from their graves.

So sage your home and charge your crystals 

Under the light of a full moon.

Place some salt in the corners of your room,

Burn some incense and cleanse your decks, 

Light some candles for your spells 

To rid yourself of uninvited guests.

My closest friends

Today I'm feeling lonely.

'Least I got anxiety to hold me.

It's always been there for me,

I call it instinct but it's mostly fear 

Of a future that will never happen. 

The monsters in my head 

Have always been scarier 

Than the ones under my bed.

Then there's depression,

Sitting on my shoulders

Like a heavy mantle 

Of doom and gloom,

Ruining my posture.

Or like an itchy woven blanket 

Laying on my naked body 

On a sweaty summer day.

Farewell

I'm walking down the path of forgotten moments

Stroking their shadows as I make my way past

Breathing in the spores of what could've been 

Getting high from the endless possibilities

Until my defenses kick in and I start choking.

 

Then I split my hatred on those around me 

Confused witnesses to my own self destruction 

Infecting them with my mentality,

Amorality 

Seems to be what gets them to remember me.

NDA

If I'm too quiet 

Too loud 

Too nice 

Too rude 

Too nurturing

Too cold 

Too manic 

Too depressed 

Too happy 

Too serious

Too caring 

Too unbothered 

If I'm too much for you,

Then honey

Go find less.

Tidal wave

Your waves are scattering my thoughts 

Like pebbles and seashells on the shore;

And whilst most of them may be intact 

The broken ones hide gemstones and pearls 

That you won't get to see.

So bring in your tides, 

Then take them away. 

Try and move me if you can,

I won't assume you'll stay 

For long enough to make an impact.

Balance

Are you getting comfortable walking on that tightrope? 

I see you juggling your feelings like they're someone else's. 

You took the role of a clown too seriously, as if it's the only thing you'd ever commit to.

Can't you see the public gasping every time you lose your balance? 

What happens when you fall?

Which side will you land on?

You know the thread is very fine and the weight of your choices is breaking it down.

The public is stunned by your charm and insanity,

They could watch you risk your life and they'd be entertained.