My closest friends

Today I'm feeling lonely.

'Least I got anxiety to hold me.

It's always been there for me,

I call it instinct but it's mostly fear 

Of a future that will never happen. 

The monsters in my head 

Have always been scarier 

Than the ones under my bed.

Then there's depression,

Sitting on my shoulders

Like a heavy mantle 

Of doom and gloom,

Ruining my posture.

Or like an itchy woven blanket 

Laying on my naked body 

On a sweaty summer day.

Farewell

I'm walking down the path of forgotten moments

Stroking their shadows as I make my way past

Breathing in the spores of what could've been 

Getting high from the endless possibilities

Until my defenses kick in and I start choking.

 

Then I split my hatred on those around me 

Confused witnesses to my own self destruction 

Infecting them with my mentality,

Amorality 

Seems to be what gets them to remember me.

NDA

If I'm too quiet 

Too loud 

Too nice 

Too rude 

Too nurturing

Too cold 

Too manic 

Too depressed 

Too happy 

Too serious

Too caring 

Too unbothered 

If I'm too much for you,

Then honey

Go find less.

Tidal wave

Your waves are scattering my thoughts 

Like pebbles and seashells on the shore;

And whilst most of them may be intact 

The broken ones hide gemstones and pearls 

That you won't get to see.

So bring in your tides, 

Then take them away. 

Try and move me if you can,

I won't assume you'll stay 

For long enough to make an impact.

Balance

Are you getting comfortable walking on that tightrope? 

I see you juggling your feelings like they're someone else's. 

You took the role of a clown too seriously, as if it's the only thing you'd ever commit to.

Can't you see the public gasping every time you lose your balance? 

What happens when you fall?

Which side will you land on?

You know the thread is very fine and the weight of your choices is breaking it down.

The public is stunned by your charm and insanity,

They could watch you risk your life and they'd be entertained.

You will never belong.
You will never create life.
You will never have abundance.
You will never have love.
You will never be heard.
You will never be seen.
You will never find god.

Outside yourself.

Everything I am
Everything I do
Everything I get
Everything I love
Everything I wish for
Everything I seek
Is within myself.

The seed

When I decided to turn my back to the sun
and make myself small enough
to fit into the cold and moist ground
where I could hide from it,
I didn't realise that the sun would still continue to exist
and shine its way towards me.

I tried to sit still and hidden
thinking maybe it won't find me
and I would have had me for myself for the winter,
forgetting death doesn't last
as much as I would want it to.

As I have planted myself once again
in what I thought was frozen soil
I began to feel the warmth of life melting over me
and I drowned in my own fear.

My shell then cracked into a thousand pieces
and the pain made me sprout out of the ground
leaving me fearless and naked into the morning light.

I looked up and found that the sun was still there,
Waiting patiently for my return.

But when I tried to stand tall in gratitude
my roots clenched deeper into the ground
reminding me of where and who I am supposed to be.

They must've forgotten they were part of me,
and since I've already been dead
I've learned that there is nothing worse
than being alive without living.

For I am made of ground and stars
And I was born in love and light.
The Earth is my nourishing mother
And the Sun is my protective father
And I am all that is in between.